Pkai Preah Ong

Eulogy

2011-05-17T10:47:00.000-07:00

This is a Eulogy I did for my speech class. it is only 3 1/2 minutes long. i hope to live out this life and make it a reality. Disclaimer: all names are fake except for mine.

Ronsaren was as unique as her name. We all had a little trouble pronouncing it the first time we met her, but now, her name will always flow sweetly from our lips and her smile and laughter forged into our memories.

Thank you everyone for being here today to remember and honor the life of Ronsaren Chhem Sekani.

Most of you, like me, have come to know Ronsaren as Momma Saren. I had gone through six foster homes before being placed in Momma Saren’s home. The first day I met her, she smiled and laughed and I thought to myself: well, she won’t be laughing long now that I’m here. No one did.

That night after dinner, Momma Saren and Poppa Taj talked to me after putting the boys to sleep. I knew the drill already. They were just going to lay the down the rules and tell me to behave while I was here and blah blah blah.

To my surprise, Momma Saren said this to me:

Christine, we could never imagine how much you had to go through before coming here from the little bits told to us. What we do know is this heart represents you and you’re life’s experience. We can never understand the depth of pain and hurt you went through even if we tried. Right now, you might be like this. (breaks heart)
It looks depressing to think that your life is in broken pieces but everyone goes through some things that will cause cracks in their heart. Taj and I both experienced it and you have experienced it in your own way. We don’t have the power to fix it and we’re not gonna pretend to. But the good news is that we know someone who does. His name is Jesus. Every day that you are living here, you will have many chances to learn about him and we look forward to the day when you allow him to heal and mend your heart whole once again because you are that precious and worthy to him.

Momma Saren taught me and many others who were blessed to live in her home, that broken hearts from broken homes does not define a broken destiny. He can and He has made us whole again.

And you know what? Momma Saren never stopped smiling or laughing because she held onto this truth. “Today is the day the Lord has made, so rejoice and be glad in it.” Ps 118:24

Remember the song she loved to sing?

Father you’re all I need
My soul’s sufficiency
My strength when I am weak
The love that carries me
Your arms enfold me
Till I am only
A child of God

Today we are sadden that she is not with us anymore. But I am sure Momma Saren wanted us to celebrate with her becuase today is the day the Lord has made and we should be glad and rejoice knowing that Momma Saren is where she wanted to be most; As a child in the arms of her Heavenly Father.

psalm 19:7-10

2010-05-30T10:22:00.000-07:00

psalm 19: 7-10

7 The law of the Lord is perfect, [3]reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple;
8 the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes;
9 the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the rules [4] of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether.
10 More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb.

It is always captivating to me to know that God covers every area of our needs…reviving the soul, wisening our simple minds, rejoicing the heart, enlightening the eyes…

This is one of my “gold collection” verses. Any verse that states living for God is more precious than gold, I write it down and keep it close to my heart. It reminds me that though the world will kill each other to gain wealth; my wealth is something that is eternal and can never be stolen from me. I am exhilarated today to read Psalm 19 again. My soul is lightened and therefore, I can rejoice and give praise to my Lord who gives me life and meaning to it.

Soul Ties

2010-04-22T19:19:00.000-07:00

Sexual intimacy ties the soul of one person to another. I decided to stick my foot where the boundary of kissing is. I had a debate with a sixteen years old today, who have lived the life and experienced everything one can with another individual. She asked me how I felt about kissing and I told her that I didn’t think any man should kiss me unless he was my husband. You know I’m not talking about a peck on the cheek used for greetings. I am saving myself for the man I will someday marry because I want to give it to him as a gift. If sex is the act of soul tying, then I would say that kissing is the doorway to that soul tying. Why would I allow someone who I have no intentions of being bound together with, come through my door? Even if I did have the intention, he isn’t my husband until the day I marry him. Yes, even though I am months into the engagement period with him, he still isn’t my husband yet. Doesn’t kissing incite the desire to go further with the person? Being around the person whom I like is already stirring emotions that I can’t control. I don’t even have the notion to want to push it away. What would happen to me if I allow someone to kiss me? I definitely do not want to awaken something inside of me that will freely run like the doe and gazelles in the fields (check out songs of Solomon ya’ll). Call it self-preservation and protection if you will, but I truly don’t want the sickness of heart when my hope has been deferred (prov. 13:12). Just because our society sees it as a trivial matter, doesn’t mean that God has change his mind on the matter. People changes the price tag of purity with the time, but God's price tag never changes.

Some people may laugh at me and disagree with me, but I will make my husband feel blessed beyond measures by giving him my untouched lips. I will forgive his past experiences the same way God forgives his sin through Christ. We will run through the fields together and awaken passions instilled in us by God together. We will run the course like the free doe and gazelles in the field when we tie our souls together. In doing so, he will know the magnanimity of God’s sovereign love and grace for him. Cause you know what? It wasn’t about me to begin with. hahahha

waiting

2010-02-14T21:31:00.000-08:00

when you are the one who cares the most, waiting is painful
when you are the only one who cares, waiting is piercing
when you have faith that can move mountains, waiting is invaluable
when you long for something that is not yours to begin with, waiting is wasting

bad memory

2010-02-01T23:28:00.000-08:00

i just a had terrible memory a moment ago. i know this person for twelve years and have worked along side the person for eight years. let's just assume this person's name is Rocka. one day i was facing a challenge and decided to give the person a chance to speak into my life. in all sincerety, my intention was just to be transparent and allow this person to touch base with what was currently going on in my life since i rarely had the chance to speak to Rocka. I didn't necessarily need advice to solve the problem at all.

i spoke to Rocka regarding the situation and wondered what would be the best option for me. Before listening to the situation in its entirety, Rocka suggested i turn the matter over to someone else who has experienced this before. i felt so hurt. at the time of this conversation, i have known this person for nine years and yet, Rocka never knew that i have been involove in situations like this countless times before. i actually took training on how to handle those type of situations.

it crushed my heart that Rocka did not know much about me at all and had no confidence in my ability despite the length of time Rock "knew" me. i was discouraged. i gave up on finding opportunities to share the ongoings of my life with Rocka. soon, my replies to "how are you doing" became the usual facade of "i'm doing good."

of course, being true to myself, i automatically assumed that perhaps it was my fault. maybe i wasn't transparent enough. maybe i never gave the opportunity for Rocka to really get to know who i am. i mean, Rock is one busy person who knew everyone in the neighborhood. I wondered where, when and how did i miss out on those previous opportunities. then i realized, i was never much of a talker. i am usually the responder. i don't know what to say unless the person asked me a question. i laid the blame on myself entirely.

what made the memory worse is when i realized that there are people in my life who have not share every single facts about their life with me, but i am aware of what they are capable of. i know their likes and dislikes. i am aware of their current identity and situations. most of the knowledge came through observations. i am an observer. i observe and actively involve myself in their lives. it's because i care enough to invest my time with them. soon, the devil spoke to me. "well, i wonder why Rocka didn't do the same even though Rocka seem to do it for everyone else. maybe Rocka just didn't care enough to invest the time to observe you."

it was an extremely painful moment and memory because i still care and admire Rock. i just learned to not expect anything anymore. maybe i have not learned to let go of the pain yet. maybe that is why the memory keeps coming back to me. well, i choose today to let it go in jesus' name. i choose to forgive Rocka and myself for the sake of jesus christ.

Active Heart

2010-01-25T19:21:00.000-08:00

it hurts. it jumps. it lives.
my cries. my faith. my God.

my journey. my desires. my identity.
it wars. it's yearning. it's established.

empty randomness

2009-03-25T11:37:00.000-07:00

(1) i watched a movie online about a strict teacher who would not compromise the way she taught though the students and other board members thought it outlandish and cruel. she told them the harsh reality of life and emphasized the importance of studying. she said:

"studying should not be something you must do, but what you do to become a great person"

(2) i arrived early for my meeting today and stood on the veranda that provided a wonderful view of the valley. i can see the top of the mountain on the east, the mountain on the north, and the valley. what an amazing view it was. the sunshine on my tilt face warming up my skin from the morning cold. the peaceful air surrounding me because no one was around yet with their poisonous, obnoxious cigarette smokes. i thought to myself: would i have enjoyed this moment the way that i am now if i didn't believe in Jesus Christ? would i have enjoyed this moment now if my life was going the way it should be? i am a shell. within me is the breath of life. i am a temple. i am made for worship. i am ronsaren. i belong to God.
after that, i said amen and headed toward the crowd of people behind me who have gathered while i was pondering these thoughts. i walked through the door and shook my head. i am...one complex confusion.

President Obama

2008-11-06T11:16:00.000-08:00

What an exciting and pivotal moment for the United States and her people. i can honestly say i am thankful and blessed for being alive to witness a historical moment like this. Sure, there are other things that have happened, but i can't say that i took part in it because i was either too young to appeciate it or too lost in my own life to care for its relevence. Yet this time, i was eligible to vote and take part in this year's presidential election.

i voted for Barach Obama despite contrary opinions amongst my fellow christian family members. Yes, Mccain stood for the conservative side and his ethical value is closely related to our Christian values as some would argue, but i could not bring myself to believe his faith in Christ exemplfied integrity. that doesn't mean i believe Obama's faith isn't stain with errors either because, come on, he is pro choice. It was a tough decision that took many months of prayer. i didn't do all my research until the week before the election because classwork takes priority.

it would take awhile for me to give all explanations for why i voted for Obama and not Mccaain but that isn't the essence of why i am writing this blog.

the purpose of this over due entry is described hereafter.

after the election was decided and while Obama gave his acceptance speech, i felt restless in my spirit and i just prayed for the United States and the future she will embrace. i can almost hear the tinkering of Satan's mind at work by my ear and picture the calamities and deceptions that will soon ensue us shall we not consciously get out of our comfort seats and prepare for the battles to come.

Everyone claims that he is the man who can do the job and many expectations were discussed. i on the other hand have no faith in all of that. i don't believe he will be the man to regenerate the condition of the U.S. The authority of america is not decided upon one man, though he is the primary initiator of ideals. He is obligated to filter his plans through many more minds that might not flow like him. The only thing i have faith in is that God is the King who enable changes to occur. i only pray that Obama will be available and willing to listen to Him and be His instrument.

Therefore, my four year goal is to gather fellow prayer warriors who will intercede and become the foundation of prayers for America and her president. Warriors who will commit to the seeking of God's heart for America and her future. This is my desire unless God should say otherwise.

Friendship & Jesus

2008-04-07T22:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a very good friend who suddenly stop being your good friend for a very noble reason and then when that noble reason is no longer noble and in existence, that former good friend of yours suddenly remembers you?

does it sound familiar? How do you respond to a situation like that?

My initial sinful nature would respond with indifference because i feel like i was used for the moment. i couldn't forget the hurt i experienced when it happened to me even though i already prayed about it and consciously made the choice to forgive. i understood that it was for a noble cause on my good friend's part even though i didn't feel the same way. yet, out of respect, i let it go. i felt that it was unjust for me to suffer for another's short coming at the time. Once something you value is taken away from you, there is a void that leaves a scar. eventually that scar will heal but the impression will still be there. Sometimes it's just plain difficult to pick up where you left behind when that scar is healed. So when my good friend came back, it was like a slap in the face to my scar. now my crossroad is to walk forward picking it up or move forward without picking it up. either way i must tread forward.

the flip side to this story is that i have been guilty in standing in the shoe of the former good friend to Jesus. I have left Jesus' friendship for something i believed was a noble cause and when i finally open my eyes to acknowledge that it wasn't a noble cause but a short coming on my part, i run back to rekindle that friendship which i personally chose to put aside. Yet Jesus doesn't respond the way that i would in the aforementioned paragraph. God says that if i confess with my mouth and repent, He is faithful and just to forgive me. He will never leave me nor forsake me. i inflicted many scars that left eternal impression on Jesus and he suffered unjustly for my choice. I'm pretty darn sure that he felt he was being used and everytime i sin now, it's like slapping him on the face of the countless scars i caused. Yet He chose to respond to me in grace and mercy. God said nothing can separate me from His love and that includes my short comings and sins. He tread forward on the crosswalk to calvary picking it up for me and for you.

will you choose with me to learn from Jesus' great love and friendship so that we can become good friends to others who have been betrayed by the world's sinful friendship? let them know that there is true friendship and it exist through the example of Jesus Christ

our Dear Mr. President..

2007-11-04T21:19:00.000-08:00

every friday around 5:15pm, i see the same guy on the corner of Devonshire and Balboa holding a sign that reads:

IMPEACH or (like last friday) OUT OF IRAQ

it stirs something inside of me and tries to compel me to go out there and hold a sign of my own that reads:

KEEP HIM & PRAY

yes i do have a fighting spirit. no, i don't intend to fight him but i do want to be there and hold a sign too.
Bush represents the millions of "christians" who goes through the motions but truly have not found the desire of God's plan to bring the Kingdom.

reap what you sow

2007-01-06T21:48:00.000-08:00

Chris Foreman, a good friend of mine and future pastor, spoke at a friday night jam that we held at CSUN. He heard it from his pastor and shared it with us and because it is so powerful i wanted to share it here.

When you:

sow a thought, reap an action
sow an action, reap a habit
sow a habit, reap a lifestyle
sow a lifestyle, reap a destiny

It is incredible to think that our thoughts gives birth to our actions. Hence, if our thoughts are impure, our actions will be impure. However, if our thoughts are towards righteousness, our actions will be righteous.

So next time when someone is rude to you, imagine what thoughts cause them to do that. when someone steals from you, imagine what they were thinking. when someone lends you a helping hand, imagine what they were thinking. when someone gives you a smile, what were they thinking? Most importantly, what are you thinking right now? Where will your thoughts lead you? What destiny will they carry you to?

I pray that this year, my thoughts and yours will gear towards our Holy Father and His Kingdom.

rambling

2007-01-04T13:38:00.000-08:00

Time to register for classes again...

Everytime i have to register for classes, i always think: when am i ever going to graduate??
And when i am in class, i think: when will this semester be over?
When finals are over and i'm not in school, i think: I'm bored. When will classes begin again?

Regret: verb
1.
to feel sorry and sad about something previously done or said that now appears wrong, mistaken, or hurtful to others
2.
to feel sadness about something, or feel a sense of loss and longing for somebody or something that is no longer there

i meet a lot of people who have something in the past that they regret. maybe they made a stupid mistake or chose to walk down a wrong path. but one thing for certain is that they always wish they can turn back time and correct it.

i know i hate to regret and i know that there isn't a time machine we can hop into like "Back to the Future" movie. that's why i always say i have no regret. if i make a mistake i ask myself: well, what have you learned from it and what are you going to do about it?

But sometimes i feel that i am lying to myself. there are things in my life i wish never happened or decisions made that i thought: if only i made this choice instead. but i never thought of it as regret because i'm not really sorry that it happen. if it didn't happen, i wouldn't be where i am and who i am today.

now the dilemma is: i am not quite sure if i am okay with where i am and who i am today. what a confusing state.

Therefore, i don't believe i have any regrets in my life where i want to go back in time to change it because i know thinking that way is useless since i can't go back in time to change it. but i do feel sorry that it happen. then again, i am thankful that it happen. i also don't long for the lost times either.

then maybe, i just have like a half regret type thing...hahaha

and why am i rambling about this? it all started with registering for classes...hahaha

but when you get as old as i am and you see younger people graduating before you, you ask:
what is taking me so long and how did it happen?

i kinda sat there calculating how many more years left 'til graduation and then of course after one minute, i get up and go get a can of soda and watch tv with my mom hahahahaha

what am i thinking about??? i need to enjoy all of my vacation time because i only have three more stress free week left.

maybe this explains why i'm still in school...hahahah

christmas blessing

2006-12-31T08:45:00.000-08:00

God is gracious and merciful and faithful...

wooh!! been a looooong time since i updated...and no! i still don't have a myspace account hahahah!

my family went to Fresno and San Francisco after christmas and the Lord was gracious to set people in our path who led us to my long lost family on my father's side. i've always believed there were only the three of us in the U.S. Yet, in His timing, He has shown me how rich i am in family. i have my church family and people in the neighborhood who are close as family.

And now, i have blood relatives who live in New Hampshire and Fresno, and i think one in Sacramento.

when we set on our journey, we didn't know what to expect. we weren't even entirely sure if we would find them. yet God is merciful because after knockin' on many doors, we found them and they were so welcoming. we laughed constantly and we have so many things in common. we went bowling, watched movies, played monopoly and card games, listen to music, went out to eat. but the most precious thing of all, was when we had rich fellowship with one another: sharing our thoughts and opinion, our future plans and past failures, embarrassing moments and even our flaws. they are one of the most educated, beautiful, respectable, hard working citizens i have met in a Khmer community. and i'm not just saying that cuz they're my family either ^_^ keekee

if you don't believe me, check out pixs to the right hahahaha
u gotta love my family cuz i love them and most importantly, Jesus loves them more heheh

i am blessed beyond imagination and i await for His timing for me to meet the rest of my family. i am thankful by God's gift to me this Christmas. my Daddy God, your love for me is eternal and what you give me are invaluable. I am at lost for words of praises and worship and only pray that what lies in my heart is loud enough to glorify you and gives evident of how i love you. i am awed and continually humbled by each path and plans you reveal for my life. In you, i know i am secure

Fighting My Professor, The Scholar

2006-07-15T00:20:00.000-07:00

I have taken two English Literature courses with a Professor of mine. He is one of my favorite and most admired professor. He is a qualified scholar and i love when he lectures even if most of what he lectures on are repetitive every semester. He always mention the bible in class because of the role and influence the bible have on Literature. He claims that he teaches on all points of view and facts he himself have researched on for years. What he doesn't realize is that 80% of his so called points of view are against the bible. His common argument is that not everything in the bible is true; especially events in the old testament. Well, here is the one against Sodom and Gomorrah Professor!

The discovery of Ebla and the tablets gives evidence that Sodom and Gomorrah existed and is not just twocities in a story made up to illustrate the wrath of God.

http://www.saudiaramcoworld.com/issue/197802/ebla-city.of.the.white.stones.htm

reliable and unbiased source of the discovery of Ebla

http://www.abu.nb.ca/ecm/topics/arch5.htm
the critic who doesn't believe that the place belongs to sodom and gommorah

http://www.icr.org/index.php?module=articles&action=view&ID=92
the writings on the tablet

http://www.xanga.com/GOODGREYPOET/440457555/item.html
the guy who ties everything up

For more info...take the time to do your own research if you truly are seeking the truth.

complaining, babbling and simply sinning

2006-03-02T13:34:00.000-08:00

aye ya!! continuing from yesterday...i thought today would bring a better day but as the Word says: Therefore, do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own Matt 7:34 NASB.

my, my...does Jesus know what he was talking about!

i woke up early today unwillingly to drive my beloved sis to work and then dropped off the car at Saeed's. i ran home to finish reading my Brit Lit assignment, looked at the time and screamed, rush off for the bus because i left home with only 3 minutes to spare until the bus was schedule to arrive. Then as soon as i sat down on the seat and the bus was rolling along, i remember i left the black folder which happens to contain my application, which i was suppose to hand to my teacher after class and rush as soon as possible across the valley to turn it in before 5pm. With five minutes until the class start, there was nothing i could do but wait to print it out again after class.
Yes, the dear printer...which i walk half way across the school campus to get a hold of, only to find out that it wasn't working. the staff who helped me was entirely unhelpful because she kept restarting the computer to figure out what was wrong. There was a big sign on the board which tells us the printer wasn't working. Obviously it wasn't big enough because she and i were completely oblivious to it. Or maybe because two fustrated people are not too keen in caring to look around...
After a short hustle and bustle, i stormed to the library praying aloud for an available computer; and there was...yay! praise God! Then i ran across the campus again to my teacher's office but a note greeted me instead. He thought i would have returned back sooner, unfortunately he has a meeting and will return at 230pm. wonderful!! so now i find myself having to meet a friend , a teacher, and a bible study, all at 230pm. this should be a day for 230. maybe i should look up verses with numbers consisting of 230. *sigh* so much for my resolve in trying to wing it today. no way siree...

and now, after sitting here, i am truly ashame of myself and realize that i have been sinning. my thoughts, my attitude, my response...my whole everything...Daddy God, i find myself paying the consequence of disorganization and procrastination again. Forgive me for i have sinned. Help me to defeat it Daddy!

We will see what else is in store today...it is not over yet!

deadlines!!!

2006-03-01T22:32:00.000-08:00

Boy oh Boy!!! Yep, just another typical college lesson that will continue to go unlearned. Procrastination seem to lurk its deceiving head endlessly and i fall prey to it every time. I find myself trying to pull a stubborn rabbit out of the magician's hat once again. Deadlines are quickly catching up with me and i already missed a scholarship opportunity because i missed the deadline. i had to go back to school three times today to turn in a sample of my writing to the writing lab because i applied for a position there. I only beat the closing time by 5 minutes. phew!

Then i had to rush home to fill out my financial aid application to beat the priority deadline tomorrow. I turn another corner and realize that my EOP application is also due tomorrow. But i need someone to fill out a letter of recommendation and try to turn it in by tomorrow before 5pm. AAAggghhh! Thank god for Professor Moore, who agreed to take out a chunk of time out of his busy schedule to fill it out for me tomorrow after class. Yay!!! Thank God for a leaf of grace! Then it dawned on me that i won't have the car tomorrow and i have to meet with a friend at 230pm. Oh boy, what am i going to do?? So i thought, no problem. i'll just drag him on the bus with me tomorrow..hahha then i halted, Dope!! he has a math class at 4pm...*sigh* Oh well, i'm going to wing it tomorrow and see what happens.

yes, procrastination...can i ever out grow it, out live it, out best it, or just out with it completely??? because, after this weekend, there are exams and essays waiting in line to overwhelm me. i better start sparring with it or i won't make that 4.0 resolution hahah

My friendz and their identity

2006-02-16T00:57:00.000-08:00

It's so hard sometimes to not be able to hang out with your closest friends when you want to. Thanks to all of you who have called me to let me know you forgave me for not calling you...hahah

Even though i haven't had the chance to hang out with them, God has been faithful to show up and give me opportunities to meet new ones. There were two people i met today and it started out like a typical :strangers, block of ice , me: type of thing. So i struck a conversation with them. I asked the usual question to chip away the ice between us and it seem to get no where for awhile because i only got one word replies. but, stubborn old me, just couldn't given in and let that block of ice win. so i asked them to pick only two words to describe who they were. The guy Derek said, "I'm Cold" and Lindie said "I'm dorkie". so i'm like...ooookay....and then Bam!!! God ushered me to give them two words that would describe them as God would describe them. To Lindie i said "you are God's Jewel" To Derek i said "you are His Precious"

And in that moment their countenance changed and something lit in their eyes. Lindie gave me a hug and Derek just kinda smiled at me but i knew something inside of him was chipping off.

God is so awesome and so incredible and only He knows how to provide the need of His children accordingly. I don't know what God is doing inside of them but i know that somehow, they went home knowing something about themselves they never knew before; their identity in Christ is not what they thought it was. Praise the Lord!!

hahah where...?

2006-01-20T12:47:00.000-08:00

Has anyone laughed with God recently?? You should try it..it is such an amazing experience. Anyone who has been around me and cared enough to notice, knows that i love to laugh and i laugh about a lot of things. i especially love to laugh with God. i will share only one thing that God and I have laughed about together recently...
because i think in the other occasions, others might not see it as a laughing matter...and because it will make this blog so long, someone would hunt me down and hide the keyboards from me...hahaha

So, the first thing is how God aligns my path to fit his will. last Friday i helped an old friend move to another location. Knowing that God is soveriegn, it didn't hit me until two days ago, that the King of my life was trying to confirm my prayers through my friend. we had a great talk while taking a breather from lifting boxes to just catch up on life since i haven't seen her in ages. we were talking about trusting in God and i told her about a vision the Lord gave to me four months ago and how that vision is being played out in my life right now.
And one of those things is in regard to the ministry the Lord has called me to do on the school campus. There are many problems that prevented me from starting this ministry and one of the reason is that i will be transfering to another school for the spring semester and it is extremely unrealistic timewise, to juggle all that i am doing now, and keep a double enrollment in order to do this ministry. But i know this is what God is calling me to do and doing God's will is priority. so i considered enrolling in only one class in the spring and taking the rest at my current school. the other plan is to just stay at my current school and start the other school in the fall instead... even if it meant prolonging my credentials another semester.

and the word of wisdom that God spoke through her was: "something is going to happen that' ll stop you from enrolling in the spring semester; it could even be something small like all the classes being full or something. it usually happens because you need to stay at your school.

so what did happen??? nope, it wasn't because the classes i need were closed. two days ago i found out the 5 unit math class i am taking in the winter aren't transferable units. does that mean i am short five units??? nope! i only needed 1 unit to hit the 56 unit minimum requirement but i took this math class to get a head start on my minor and in the process, obtain this missing 1 unit. but, hahahaha, now i am short one unit. All of this because i accidently registered for the wrong class by entering the wrong section number. instead of math 245, i'm taking math 120. even when i printed out my class schedule it didn't occur to me to check it thoroughly. and when i found out it was a geometry class, i was alittle surprise but that didn't register and faze me either. hahaha

so i called the school to find out if it would be a problem and they said that it wasn't and i can still register for classes. the only thing is i would be a sophmore instead of a junior until i complete the one unit. Even so, i asked them to roll over my application to the fall semester anyway. what other confirmation do i need right?

Then God gave me something more to laugh about. immediately after that, i wanted to set an appointment with a counselor to talk about my DAR but i couldn't find a listing for the counseling office. So i figured i should just call any number and ask them to transfer the call to the dept. i need. i chose the EOP office since i wanted to ask them about applying anyway. knocking down two birds with one stone, i thought. They told me that EOP doesn't accept application for the Spring and i won't qualify if i tried for the fall semester since they do not help those who are returning students. what??? this is so hilarious. God knew that if i started in the Spring...i wouldn't be able get financial help. hahahah I laughed so loud and long, my momma thought i was crazy.

God is an awesome God and i love laughing with him. i must say that God loves laughing with us but most of the time we just don't understand or appreciate his humor. i didn't just laugh because he showed me why i shouldn't worry about my future. but in the midst of all this, i laugh because he subtly reminded me that if i just obeyed, all will fall into place. **and that goes for the ministry which will happen in the spring semester. hallellujah!!!

My First Poem!!!

2005-12-28T12:05:00.000-08:00

A Description of A City Driver
(Inspired by Jonathan Swift)

Five O’ Clock on the dot,
Poor John Doe left the lot.
It’s time to play the game again
Thought he, turning on the engine.
Shifting the gear into drive,
A stratagem, he to contrive.
Prepping his spirit to perk up,
Perhaps this time it’ll be abrupt.
Through the silent deceiving hill,
On he steers the tons of steel.
The foretelling vrooming in the distance
Fiddle his resolve for an instant.
Approaching the first bend of bends,
Making that right turn he descends.
Phew! Only five cars behind this time
Not like yesterday, there were nine.

He rearranged his now troubled face,
To one of pleading, Lord give me grace.
There after his left hand turning
Masses more lie wait in yearning;
Before him the brief path lay
Realizing it’ll be about two hours today.
So, inspecting the others in the lane nearby,
Inching forward at the mph rate of five.
If they are traveling and he at a still;
Would it benefit to make a steal?
Glancing at the side mirror and turning his head
He thought it safe to stay instead.
Progression of movement is usually lost
Immediately when he cuts someone off.

Remembering a time of such endeavor
Smirking alone, he thought he was clever.
But darn that Karma to choose such a time
Rapidly shattering his momentary sublime.
For two lengthy limo held him back,
Taking their sweet time emerging in the crack.
Hence from there he did not budge
Seven full minutes without a trudge!
Therefore, he learned from hasty decisions;
Always think it through with exact precisions

The singing of sirens broke the remembrance.
Inclining his ears to assume the black white’s entrance.
After spying the red and blue light,
The rule book teach him to go far right
But such a feat is impossible,
This leaping over two car rows.
Hence he yield with a glance at the clock
No John Doe! Ponder not how long the stop.
Observe instead the pause of motion.
Drink in the calming of the ocean.
Notice the rolling waves of rubber,
Slowing down one after the other?
Hundreds upon hundreds coming to a halt
Only four distinguished now beating the asphalt.
The raging roars now taking a break
Trading for low rumbling breath intake.
The usual song of hustle and bustle
Suddenly appear as if been muzzle.
Appreciate and concede this great wonder,
Expressing gratitude for such honor
In giving you the chance to resume concentration
Refocusing and refining a plan at your station

Oblivious to this remarkable suspension
John Doe instead build in irritation.
A lady nuisance he spot on the phone,
Yapping and yelping on her way home.
Her car slowly moving passing the limit line,
Where are those sneaky sheriffs to give her a fine?
Her car is leaning from left to right,
But Old Grandpa is putting up a good fight.
Pacing his car in a neutral speed,
Preventing her to move and proceed.
The Teenage driver on the right of her
Aware of her plan, did not concur
He speeding up to catch up with her,
When she losing speed, he went slower
All the while witnessing this thing
Forget not it’s a five miles fighting ring.

Leaving the scene Mr. Doe made a few turns
Down a small alley he smells tire burns
With the building blocking, he has yet see
Unaware of the forth bringing catastrophe.
Finally reaching his appointed intersection;
What more can interrupt his final direction?
A three car collision three blocks down
Twist his face lines into a frown.
Now the traffic is more congested
On this road of drivers infested.
Filled with impatience and curiosity,
Each head watching in slow velocity,
Ignoring the signals of the officer
Who waves at cars to come hither.
Already John endured the dreaded two hours
Now he fancy he need miraculous powers.
If he could only just point and blast
Each hindering car as he past.
With a flicker of his wrist
He’ll be home in sweet bliss.
Except Fortune seem to be at a slumber
Because he flicked with countless number
And nothing appear to transpire
According to his wish and desire
Do not despair oh John Doe
There’s only a block more to go.

my momma

2005-12-11T11:54:00.000-08:00

i love my momma so much. she is one of the most intelligent people i know, though she would not admit it herself. she doesn't think she is smart just because she didn't get very far with her education. she has a lack of confidence though i see and know that when the occasion arises, she handles business. she is fiesty and yet adorable. i laugh every time i think of how our neighbors react to her. they truly respect her and they would never want to be on her bad side. i remember a time when she almost beat up a guy. phew! that was a sight to see. Two people were holding my mother back. And the guy never came near her again. But not to give you such a negative opinion of my mother, God has changed her tremendously thus far. i wish i can say it was in her BC days but then, she's still in her BC days. hahah

Maybe i can call it the CC days (Christ constructing days...heehee)

For the past 6-7 years, i have seen the changes in her and the character that God built inside of her. She is brave, strong and i am one of her biggest fan (besides my sister that is) I always wondered why God would allow me to be born as her daughter and now i know. She is one of the sharping iron and sand paper in my life. We all have christian mentors and i have two very important mentors who i consider as my spiritual mothers. But none of them has impacted me as much as momma has.

Because of her mistakes, she makes me stronger and wiser in making decisions in my life. Because of her non verbal love for me i learned to discern and read between the lines. Actions tells more than what is presented and how we perceive them to be. Because of her strength i learn what it means to persevere. Because of her discipline i learn to be the person i am today. There are so much more. But most importantly, i see God through her even through the toughest time of my life. It was God who gave her strength and taught her how to rightly discipline me. All Glory shout outs are yours Daddy!!

My greatest nightmare of becoming more and more like her turned into a blessing because i love who i am today and God used her to shape me into who i am. And no matter how much she tells me that my strongwill and stubborness comes from my dad, i am convince i got it from her.

Who ever is reading this, my homiez or even someone who just surfed through. Please take a moment and think how your mother have made you who you are today. whether or not she is the ideal mother, abusive or non abusive, always there when you needed her most or not, God placed her in your life to produce the characteristics he wanted you to have.

How you respond to it though makes a world of differences. Praise God for all the mothers, even for those who abandon their child because when the child grows up, he or she can thank God for his ever present help once they see through the deception and provocation of the devil.

p.s give yo momma a holla

lookee lookee

2005-12-02T22:34:00.000-08:00

This is Brendan. My momma has been babysitting him since he was one month old because his mom couldn't afford to stay on maternity leave much longer. Isn't he adorable?? Now he is a year and a half years old. he is sooo bad! and yet so smart!! i took this picture inside, hence the dark background. this is the face he makes when he wants something.
This is in the back patio. He is trying to persuade me to give him the camara...it was a good try i must say. see how his arm is inching close to grab it?

This is Brendan and me. yea, my face is cut off because my momma thought he should be the focus of attention...j/k actually, her finger moved the camara before it took the picture...hahah

So why am i posting this, you might ask? well, when i am at home, my mom hands the responsibility to me without even asking. so yep, everytime i get back from school, my momma is either cooking or doing something else. i don't really mind cuz i figure she needs a break. there is a downfall with this though...i can't do my homework because he always have this knack for trying to help me. i guess he thinks that if he turns the page of my book every second, i would read faster or that i would get a better grade on my paper if he adds his handiwork to it...hahah

The most amazing thing that i learn through this is: you can truly see the work of God in a child's life and the developement of sin from a young age. I would explain it more thoroughly but it would take up a a whole new blog.

A British testimony...

2005-11-22T17:59:00.000-08:00

wow! call me different, awkward or just plain weird...but i am in LOVE!!! yea, In LOVE!!! I'm so in love with the English language... hahaha, gotcha goin' huh? Yea i know, that was lame...
Sorry guys, actually as some of you know i am an English major and i was reading Tom Jones, by Henry Fielding. There is a passage that really jump out at me after hours and hours and hours...did i mention hours of reading? So i decided to dedicate this blog to it.

!!!WARNING!!! !!!WARNING!!! !!!WARNING!!!

if this kind of stuff bores you...please don't be obliged to read just because these words are leading your eyes straight to it "To this I added another study, compared to which all the philosophy taught by the wisest heathens is little better than a dream, and is indeed as full of vanity as the silliest jester ever pleased to represent it. This is the Divine wisdom which alone to be found in the Holy Scripture: for they impart to us the the knowledge and assurance of things much more worthy our attention, than all which this world can offer to our acceptance. Of things which Heaven itself hath condescend to reveal to us, and to the smallest knowledge of which the highest human wit unassited can never ascend. I began now to think of all the times I spent with the best heathen writers, was little more than labour lost: for however pleasant and delightful their lessons may be, or however adequate to the right regulation of our conduct with respect to this world only, yet when compared with the glory revealed in Scriptures, their highest documents will appear as trifling, and of as little consequence as the rule by which children regulate their childish little games and pastime. True it is, that philosophy makes us wiser, but Christianity makes us better men. Philosophy elevates and steels the mind, Christianity softens and sweetens it, the former makes us the subjects of human admiration, the latter of Divine love. That insures us a temporal, but this an eternal happiness"
Book VIII, Chapter 13

I hope that wasn't too boring. Man, i really love how it is put, i need to find something else that compares evolution with Christianity.

whirlwind..

2005-11-11T14:25:00.000-08:00

i think i'm caught in a whirlwind and everything around me is speeding by like crazy. when i think it is over, it comes back. when i think i just missed it by a hairline, i actually missed it by a leg. when i think i finally understand, i find out i totally missed the point. yea, this is crazy...i'm so confused...

i need to go and eat chocolate...

soooo heavy continued

2005-11-09T14:04:00.000-08:00

so where was i? oh yeah...ever since the Lord took me on that reality trip, i have examined my life a little bit closer and i did pretty darn well, if i should say so myself. But lately, i have been so busy with everything i am involved in that i let those things crowd him out, even though those very things are part of his ministry. I said to myself, once these things are over and done with, i know i can do much better for Him. He deserves everything of me and not the left over...and so with this thought i continued my day...

yes...one day leads to another, until i finally got a wake up call from God. this past Friday was our youthworker meeting and i kinda knew what we were going to talk about and of course God who is always in the midst of us, speaks profoundly through Alex ( our high school pastor). i mean, no one left there the same way as they came to the meeting...every time! But i was not prepared for what the Lord would say to me personally.
What God said to me was, the time is NOW. why do i have to wait until so and so is completed? I need to do it now. There are people dying now, this very second. the adversary is not going to pause his attacks on God's people just because I don't have time to do battle. In fact, he takes advantage of these moments when i am busy to do his worse because he knows i am not available. that's one less worker for the kingdom of God that he has to deal with.

When i thought i couldn't handle anymore breaking at the moment, the Lord proved me wrong. I came home that night on my knees and crying my heart out. I have never cried so hard in my life. it was like worse than hurricane Katrina...seriously. i was in the backyard in the middle of the night crying into a pillow so i wouldn't wake anyone up.

soooo heavy...

2005-11-05T01:38:00.000-08:00

you know, a lot of people say they believe in God and yet their life doesn't reflect it. How sad huh? You know what's more devastating than that??? It's people who say they love Jesus Christ and yet, they are not willing to get out of their comfort zone to reach out to the people around them. Jesus said you love me when you love my people. He ask Peter three times if Peter love Him. Each time, Peter said I do. And Jesus replied the first with "feed my lambs", the second "tend my sheeps", and the third with "feed my sheep".

I know the Lord has been cultivating my heart, mind and soul to reflect more and more like him. Ever since I asked God to help me see with His eyes and love with His love two years ago, i wasn't prepare for the full intensity of the answer to that prayer. Everyday the Lord reveals the full propensity of sin and the destruction it brings layer by layer. It came to the point that i was literally breaking inside. I began to perceive sin the way He viewed it. i hate sin. But what really broke me was when He began to show me how His people allowed things in their life to crowd Him out. when i say break, i really mean break. i cried. tears that i was not used to shedding came rolling down at the thought of how we give the adversary the upper hand by not making Jesus first in our lives.

(sigh) this is serious but it is 1:38am and i have to wake up 6:00am in the morning. i will continue some more. goodnight for now

What a Week!!! Part I

2005-10-30T23:50:00.000-08:00

Givin' In... (Sunday)
so i finally did it. i gave in to this blogging business...tsk, tsk (shaking head)...yes, all props givin' to young Ruth a.k.a myspace addict. No, no...not our dear mrs. david lowe, ruth from the Church On The Way...yea, you know...the one you haven't met yet? that's the one. Every Sunday morning and Wednesday night she greets me with a big hoop and holler "hey myspace girl!". well, i haven't post anything on myspace yet though and i don't think i will do it soon either. For now, i'll keep to this one.
Today, i felt the peace of the Lord upon me so mightily. I truly believed i experienced one of those "resting in the shadow of his wings" moment again. My paintings were no where close to completion, I haven't started on my reading project, nor have i studied for my history midterm. I haven't figured out how to be at three different places at one time yet tomorrow (never triple your agenda folks) and i just found out that one of my girl is considering moving out of the state to run away from her problems. And yet, it was alright...no stress. It's like being in the eye of the storm, everything in me was calm though everything around me are raging fiercely. It's like when Peter was walking on water and his eyes are on Jesus. He didn't sink or was moved by the waves when he kept his eyes on Him. I know that God is blessing me with rest for now because after i have been replenished, there will be more battles to fight for His Kingdom. Thank you for the peace that surpasses all understanding my Lord! Oh! And a wonderful surprise for me today! I've been missing this person because i haven't seen him for awhile and then he shows up and gives me a big hug. Isn't God Good?? (and all of God's people say...He is good...All the time!) oh yeah!

What, Watts...? (Saturday)
God is so awesome and boy, was He at work yesterday! We had our 2nd annual Watts Outreach and let me tell you, it was off da hook yo! Yes, you read correctly...off da hook!
So after having three hours of sleep, my sister and i woke up an hour late so we couldn't help load up the truck with all the goodies. We arrived at church at 8am on the dot. That's a miracle in itslef, i tell ya. Then, my first problem of the day showed its face. how in the world are we going to transport 20 teenagers and 13 adults to Watts when one of the driver couldn't show up. did i tell you that this driver was suppose to drive the church's excursion; which seats 8 people including the driver? yea...so we have 7 bodies that we couldn't leave behind but no car to take them either. We couldn't just let anyone drive either, they have to be on the church's insurance. All praise and honor to our Lord because one of the parent came along and offer to drive her car. And it was all settled (snaps finger) just like that. It took one hour of trying to find a way and within a matter of utterance in three seconds, it was solved. Hallelujah!
There were many more problems that happened throughout the day, like me losing my cd's, banners not wanting to stay where they are put, melting chocolate bars and cakes because the refridgerator was not delivered yet, the generator didn't want to start so we didn't have the sound system going for a moment, no ribbons to tie to our helium blown balloons, shortage of plates and hot dog buns...should i go on? But i did tell you that God is awesome and He was at work right? well, for every problem we encounter, He gave us a solution. i found my cds and everything else came into place. the stomp team was magnifying the name of the Lord and the drama team enlighten his Words. The highlight of the day was when the people who came to the Lord during the outreach. I was able to share the gospel with many people and three of them i will never forget. One of them i gave my bible to. Yea, my most favorite bible is now going to be someone else's favorite bible. Praise the Lord.
God is wonderful and to think that most people gripe and groan just at the thought of serving the Lord. Some even turn down the offer of ministering to people. I left that outreach so blessed! Have you ever seen a child's eyes light up and their countenance change from misery to great joy and hope because she just found out that there is a God, who created this complex universe, and He loves her and created her with a purpose, then you know what i mean. her name is Brenda and she accepted the Lord into her heart yesterday. God, there is no one else quite like you and I thank you for loving your people.

Amazing...(Friday)
Friday morning, i was up at 630am in order to pick the uhual rental by 7am. Yes!! I drove a uhual cargo van...yea baby! That's another thing to cross off my "things i want to do before i turn 25" list. Then off i go to pick up Tom from the church. We had to go to Bell to pick up some things from one of our vendors for the outreach the next day. When we were on the 101 freeway, Tom had a brief seizure...yea a SEIZURE...i didn't recognize it at first so i extended my hand to him and bu'st out prayin' in tongues 'cause i didn't know what or how to begin praying. Scary moment, i tell ya. Immediately he stopped and was back to normal.
Okay, so after that ordeal we had another one. When we got to the warehouse, people already took all the good things and we were left with only the sucky things. After filling out the forms and everything, the supervisor came out to tell us that he couldn't allow us to take anything because The Church On The Way usually get their donations from the Children's Hunger Fund and it would be a conflict of interest if he authorized it. Therefore, he needed a pastor to come down and sign the papers. What??! We had two hours left until they close, the goods were rapidly disappearing and the outreach is tomorrow morning. Talk about check mate, we had no more moves left. But PRAISE the lord for being in control. Tom remembered Pastor Clarence's phone number and we were able to reach him. That's a miracle 'cause Pastor Clarence is extremely hard to reach. He spoke with the supervisor over the phone and the guy allowed us to take the things if Pastor Clarence agreed to come down to sign the papers on Monday. Hallelujah!! When i first saw what was left over, i was discourage because there was practically nothing left. After seeing that our we only had a few boxes loaded, he asked if that was all we were taking. I explained to him that there wasn't anything left and there were limits on the quantity we were allowed to take from each category. So guess what?? He gave us a list of things that they were donating that day and told us if there were anything on the list that was not available for us, tell him and he will get it for us.We left there with tons of food, cosmetic and hygiene products ! Jesus you are our very present help in time of need!